head.aches.ruin.everything.

-----but God reigns over [all].
and makes everything even better.
better then before.
better then the two minutes before of pure awfulness to then turn everything into pure sweetness.
no one else can do that.
especially when your mood is bound to give others headaches--a newness of greatness comes into the picture, you are feeling much better, then, it drops again.
can we say, girl??
yes, i am.
thankfully.
sometimes.
but i give praises to my forgiving Father who i put my trust in every single day.
i am so thankful for Him and that He is able to transform my moods in to beautiful ones.
after a much needed prayer and injection of peace and a perspective that He wants me to explore, dissect, research and appreciate--all of negativity that once was, is no more.
no one else can do that.
---
i have been with my two boys this weekend in greensboro.
me, girl, age twenty-three, a boy, palmer, age four & a boy, tanner, age six, a golden-somewhat magical retriever, tonic, two lizards and two turtles and the loudest alarm system known to man for three straight days.
i am out of my realm.
my comfort and safe haven.
the laughter that i release because of the boys that i surround myself with every day because of their hilarious nature.
the routine that we all fall into that automatically makes living "comfortable."
transferred to saturday early morning basketball practice, a birthday party at three, and a catholic service on sunday morning followed by sunday school for only one boy.
i was so excited for this service that spoke everything about not even touching my comfort level--experiencing a hidden something that God wants me to hear, see or feel.
i asked Him to open my heart and my mind to receive anything and everything He has set for me [in His plan.]
it didn't go exactly that way.
as we piled out of the house with everything we needed, and then some, i realized i hadn't turned off the alarm system.
as palmer opened the door my mind triggered.
it had reminded itself in this dark corridor of my brain that i hadn't yet turned the light on for yet that all was not going to go according to plan.
all in that same moment of the door opening, to faces of reaction, to everything in my head seriously accepting no sound at all, but a reminder of not turning off the alarm i had not heard the alarm as it went off in an instant.
then a few seconds later of reminding oneself and then being able to accept the chaos around me, i heard the alarm screaming and i dashed.
this was the first time this had happened to me.
and on the way to church.
a church i had never been to.
yay me!
i ran to the alarm system and quickly punched in the code.
my ears rang no more.
no more throbbing to accommodate my headache.
all was silent.
a little too silent.
i picked up my things that i dropped abruptly to walk back out to the door when the phone rang.
alert-alarm-system.
i gave them the code as they asked--and apparently there was another number i was missing.
i had no clue.
i kept repeating the code.
told them who i was.
they jotted my name down and we hung up as i spewed grateful tones.
on to church we went.
in the rain.
tires splashing, green trees blurring.
we arrived to the church and to the phone ringing off the hook.
i hadn't realized.
their mother calling us to make sure all was ok because of the alarm.
we had to smooth out all of the wrinkles i had caused as time ticked on by.
including the service.
we were late to this unknown church in my eyes.
the place was packed.
with no where to sit.
finally after countless times of sitting and standing and reciting their familiarity and tradition we blinked in and found a spot as they stood.
i adore tradition.
i love that they know what to do.
i love their comfort level.
i love that it was probably the way they were raised.
i love their songs---sung in major keys.
but there was a lot that i didn't like also.
i continuously prayed for God to relieve me of my stress that i was experiencing.
i prayed for Him to open my heart.
soften it.
i wanted to relax.
in time it got easier but i didn't learn much.
which is what i desire.
what i yearn for.
God's Word, reminders, faithfulness, and love.
we left in the rain as palmer slept in the back seat.
i went home--fed tonic and grabbed my ipod.
i clicked on good ol' Charles Stanley.
all about God's love.
& how we are supposed to love as He does for us.
selfless love--agape love--His very own sacrificial love.
i was filled with all things warm.
He touched my heart in a way that i so desperately needed.
in that moment.
this morning.
i am so incredibly thankful.
there is no greater love then His.
thank.You.God.