a single splash.

i no more want to ride in the train.
i want to be alongside the train.
standing on the tracks.
accepting the wind that will whip through and splash over my entire self.
so powerful, it will take my breath away.
in one second.
i will be gasping for the air i so wanted to receive.
and then smile.
that moment.
as it passes.
such motion, intensity--me, right beside it.

i no more want to fly in the plane.
i want to fly myself.
soaring through the clouds.
accepting the experience that i so miss here on the ground.
i want the air to receive me, as i receive it.

i no more want to ride on the boat on top of the waves so crashing.
i want to be in the water, between the waves so crashing.
crashing on me.
sweeping through me, around me then in me.
temperature will no longer be an issue.
movement will swift unless moved myself.
i no longer can wait on myself.

i want all experiences to wash over me.

highlights of my weekend.

in a nutshell.

eva cassidy.
dang this woman's got lungs, and soul. possible new obsession for the time being.
moving my salmon dresser to my apartment with two close brothers.
salmon dresser.
yes, i said it.
oh man!
& i got it for thirty five dollars.
where my books will now go.
well, some of them.
i think i may need four or five dressers.
all wonderful colors.
captivating colors.
like a spearmint and a fiery golden yellow that sparkles and becomes inflamed when the sun hits it.
that would make my world complete.
a hummingbird story told me with such passion, intensity and love my soul cried out for more.
tears just about formed.
my passion of listening confirmed my heart.
not that it needed confirming, its known it all along.
just a form of communication so the mind and heart can go on being friends.
communication is everything.
listening and loving.
sharing your heart with another, and being there while they share theirs.
a good will trip that masters the feelings of all things good.
all things glorious and great.
with one of the dearest people in my life.
such greatness.
the drive.
the talks.
the clothes.
so funny and beautiful.
crazy and insane.
so katie.
so diana.
the laughs.
such greatness.
sundays.
my love for sundays would require me typing the word, sundays, a billion times for emphasis.
but i won't.
you get the picture.
sunday.
church.
another great time to have with God.
in glorious fellowship with His children.
listening and singing.
so great.
bethlehem.
georgia, that is.
youth trip.
such sweet people.
my brothers included.
music.
watching.
oh the watching.
of youth at their best.
the insecurities and the need to be the center of attention.
every one of them.
pizza.
lots of pizza.
dancing yourself away.


my weekend was pretty awesome.
i want to remember.

my ultimate purpose

as a recurring comment and conversation i have with diana countless amount of times, following words and feelings, similarity flies up and then i start to think deeper on the subject. these words that are spoken sound a little something like this.

a nonchalant thing is said on death and then...words are uttered in a complete opened thrill on her end.

...."wouldn't that be so great! you get to be with our Savior Jesus Christ forever and ever."

beautiful. if i do say so myself. and i agree in all of its entirety as thorough as a bubble is to the sand on the beach. however, i am a twenty three year old girl. i love what God has to offer me and show me here on earth. my mind starts thinking deeper. my life here on earth is not a forever home. thank goodness for that. but my home here is timeless. time is ticking. in my thoughts and heart i thoroughly feel that i have a purpose here to fulfill. God has put me in charge of certain things. not only that, but i am to live out a certain purpose. to bring glory and honor to His sweet name.

we both agree that we don't know when our time is and when it is our time, that's it. His plan is His plan only. amen & amen.

the more we talk--and the more i think--which can be dangerous at times--i am buried in feelings of intensity and somewhere in my inner being there is a scent of closure and and it all starts opening up.

"i [only] want Him to be proud of me."

this is my ultimate goal.

my ultimate feeling.

my ultimate purpose on this earth.

that is what i want my end result to be.

to hear these words will bring me to my knees in praise and my heart will open so wide that hopefully somehow some of it will drop and trickle down to earth into others.

well done, good and faithful servant. you have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. come and share your master's happiness. --------------{Matthew 25:23}